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Letters to people I don’t like: you’re a bitch

by fancypants, March 22, 2012

Plain and simple. A bitch. Maybe the first true one I’ve ever met. Toxic. And so is your sister. A few months ago I saw her in a department store. She was with your cousin who must have some kind of genetic abnormality because she’s friendly. I said hi. The cousin and I exchanged pleasantries, and when we walked away and I told my friend with me that we had all been related. She was aghast. She just couldn’t believe that your sister behaved like I was a complete stranger. Thank god I am.

I knew you were nasty girls from the first time I met you. But I was in this tricky kind of situation. A sort of no-mans-land. Where I needed to be friends with you, or my life could be miserable. Because that’s what bitches do, right? They threaten you with misery. And so I smiled and I preened, and made appliqu├ęd t-shirts with my favorite little nautical embroidery thingies that I really didn’t want to share with you. I made nice. And you made not so nice. That’s not nice. Turn out I was right. You’re pure bitch through and through. You were a pretense and a fake from the beginning. And I saw it. And I knew it. And I was too vulnerable to do anything about it. Thank God you’re not part of my life. I recently heard that you might be moving back to Denver. I’m moving to San Diego. This town isn’t big enough for the both of us. I’ve always wanted to say that. Darian’s comment “this cold place needs more cold bitches like you”. That’s why I love him.