The other day I dropped my kids at school when I saw a group of women I know heading off at a brisk pace towards the golf course across the road. I would consider each one of them to be a relatively good friend and yet I have never, ever been invited to go for a walk. Today I was scrolling through Facebook and came upon some pics of a close friend away on what must be a girl’s weekend. It looked super fun. And yet I’ve never, ever been invited on a girl’s weekend.
No, I’m not moaning that nobody likes me or that I’m unpopular – I know that I have friends and that I am liked – what I really suspect is that I’m projecting something that makes me unapproachable. I’m putting some kind of message out that I’m not the girl you invite. I’m too busy and too involved in my own stuff to invite me out for a lunch date or a walk, and absolutely no way would I agree to a girl’s weekend away.
I’ll give you a great example: it was my birthday a couple weeks ago and since nobody had really reached out, I made my own plans for the day. I was delighted when a friend called to take me out for lunch and I had arranged to surf and for a spa treatment. But deep down I was really really upset with one particular friend. She’s a friend whose birthday I myself would never neglect, yet other than a text message, I heard or saw nothing of her on my birthday. A few weeks later she gave me a lovely birthday gift and made mention that I had seemed so busy on my birthday that she didn’t get a chance to see me. Shift in perspective right? I felt neglected and she felt I was too busy to see her.
So what am I doing that I don’t get invited to things? Am I just so used to providing my own happiness that I’m not giving anyone else the chance to step in? Or am I just feeling a little sorry for myself and a bit excluded. I think that one thing for sure is that I don’t have a group of “my girls”. People always talk about their group of girls and my friends all comes from different places so there isn’t really a “group” because they’re all terrific individuals but don’t all know each other. Tell you what though – I’m going to ask, and I’m going to put myself out there more. I’m going to ask those girls close enough to me what it is, and hope that I’m approachable enough to get a fair answer. If not, I guess I’m on my own. Anyone for a walk?