For the past 4 weeks, Monday through Saturday, I have been waking up at 6 am, and jumping around in front of a small DVD player in the kids playroom. I have developed what I believe to be intimate relationships with the people on my workout DVD. I really dislike the Asian girl who from her facial expressions when she exercises I believe is also a porn star, and I’m convinced that one of the other girls is actually Casey Anthony. The girl I think is Irish is WAY too pale for TV, and I’m sure the chunky but peppy girl is a college student just one step away from Girls Gone Wild. The girl with long brown curly hair looks really stupid when she jumps, and the other tall blonde has knock knees. I don’t like the fact that the only person not exposing her midriff is the lady who says she is over 40. The African-American girl slacks off when she thinks the camera isn’t looking and I don’t like how she always has to sit part of the exercises out. Plus when Sean T, our guru, asked her how she felt, she said she wanted to leave. Loser. And I think I have a crush on the cute black guy with dreads.

I have hopped around to workouts named things like Pure Cardio and Plyometric Intervals and Cardio Abs. And I select the “with music” option because I’m too lazy to choose my own and too scared to exercise in silence. I have neither gained nor lost any weight, and have sweated more profusely that at any other time of my life. I still do not know what Plyometrics are. And I don’t know why our leader, Sean T, refers to himself in 3rd person. I am starting to like how my legs are looking, and I repeat “Peace Out, yo” with Sean T at the end of each session, but no, I will not drink his recovery shake thank you very much.

I have realized through this all that I am a very disciplined person, and generally I do what I am told, almost compulsively. When I was 16 there was no way of telling I was going to turn out like this – my parents will attest to that. But if Sean T says don’t stop, I don’t. And I diligently trudge down to the playroom every morning except for Sunday, even though I feel like a idiot leaping about.

I’ve got 5 more weeks and apparently I’ll have washboard abs, so I’ll be sure to post a pic as soon as those pop up. But in the meantime, me and my new buddies have a date amongst the Lego. Peace Out, dudes.


  1. You go, girl. I swore off infomercial workouts after the door jamb incident with the Ten Minute Trainer. However, you are giving me inspiration to have another go. I will wait for the ab photo before making a final decision!

    1. Watch for ab photo in about 4 weeks. I know they’re under there somewhere. Sean T says so, yo.