I’ve had a really tough time the past two days. Someone who I thought was a good friend really turned on me. And I mean really turned. Now, I do question her motivation, which I truly think was inspired by a deep seated fear. At least, I hope it was motivated by that. Otherwise I don’t get it at all, but there is nothing worse than the feeling that someone is thinking something of you that really isn’t true. And it’s worse when you believe the they’re thinking this because of their own issues, and not really because of you. And no matter what you do or say, you can’t get them to see the the flip side.

Trust is a weird thing. When you have it, it’s awesome, but when you don’t, it’s poison. And this is a person who I believe doesn’t trust anyone. So it’s no surprise that she didn’t trust me. But here I was, doing my freaking darndest to do something really good for her, that could benefit her, for really the rest of her life potentially, something that she wanted, and she turned around and slapped me in the face. Hard. I was happily going along, with really the world’s best intentions, and boom. I think there’s a deficiency there, something wrong, but it’s not for me to find that out. And quite frankly, I’m steering clear of this one. In the meantime, I’m sitting here realizing that this person probably didn’t really view me as a friend, and I feel used and betrayed and mystified that someone would behave like this.

And I feel stupid. Because maybe there was something that I didn’t see. Maybe the uncomfortable feeling in my gut from the beginning, from the first document, and the subsequent weird comments should have been a better indicator. And why, oh why, why, why, why do I not go with my gut? When am I going to learn? As Darian always says, “If it walk like a duck, looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, chances are, it’s duck”

So is this the time that I’m actually going to learn my lesson? Is this it? Because I don’t like the shitty feeling of things gone awry. Bad taste in my mouth. And I’ve got to start recognizing the signs before they happen. Another famous Darian saying? No good deed goes unpunished. Right?

Oh, and note to self – if someone comes to me wanting business advice, all they’re going to get is a cup of coffee. I’m not interested in coming up with ideas and partnering with people who bring absolutely nothing to the table. I’m not a refuge for housewives who want a career but aren’t prepared to forgo their gym schedule to get one. I work my ass off. Every single day. And unless you’re going to do the same, or bring something extraordinary to share, I’m not playing. I’m not going to sit around and do all that the work to get kicked in the gut again, thanks. Would you like two sugars with that?

After all, I really am a Tough Girl, right?

Comments

  1. This one spoke to me Lex & I’m sorry this hurt you deeply. This thing called trust is quite tricky I’ll say, b’cuz if these past few months have taught me anything, it’s to trust 1 thing & 1 thing only, my gut, intuition, little voice, whichever you’d like to call it. I wish I could turn the recording off in my head that plays the same things over & over which are, the situations, conversations & time spent together w/ people who I thought I could truly trust who ended up hurting me more than I could imagine. So no matter how many times I replay these said scenarios in my head I can’t for the life of me understand especially since I believe I am one who will never betray someone else’s trust. People have said I’m loyal to a fault, which I take as a compliment. Oh yeah, and people lie too. Have you noticed that? Like, liar. Bold-faced, make up crap, lie. Like what we teach our children not to do. Lie? Who does that? Again, I’m sorry, they’re the one’s that ate missing out though.